


When Bard Meets Thranduil

by mordorisleft



Series: Broduil [1]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, and bard sees him and gets roped into helping him, and don elrond, bless me i love this au so much fuckckck, lmao thranduil trying to smuggle his cat into his dorm, this is their first meeting so pre-barduil fCUK, with appearances from roommate grumpy thorin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-26
Updated: 2015-03-26
Packaged: 2018-03-19 16:39:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3616854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mordorisleft/pseuds/mordorisleft
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He should never have been there in the first place. Usually Bard was so good at minding his own business, but for some idiotic reason his good judgment had all but flown out the window when he had stumbled across that damn gorgeous man and his stupid cat. Now, instead of collapsing into his bed like he had been dreaming about since his 5 pm class, he was getting berated by the poor Dale Don who honestly looked just as upset as Bard felt, and he wasn’t even from Dale. </p><p>OR</p><p>Engineering student Bard at University of M-E (middle-earth) gets roped into helping Thranduil, the most insufferable man he's ever met (though gorgeous as fuck holy shit), smuggle his cat into his dorm. Even though it's illegal. Gods help him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When Bard Meets Thranduil

            He should never have been there in the first place. Usually Bard was so good at minding his own business, but for some idiotic reason his good judgment had all but flown out the window when he had stumbled across that damn gorgeous man and his stupid cat. Now, instead of collapsing into his bed like he had been dreaming about since his 5 pm class, he was getting berated by the poor Dale Don who honestly looked just as upset as Bard felt, and he wasn’t even _from_ Dale. God, he could just strangle that stupid blonde man, his delicate pale column of skin just asking to be squeezed… or kissed... No; focus Bard.

            Everything had gone to shit at around 12 am. That’s when Bard met _him._ After class, for some reason Bard had thought it would be a good idea to squeeze in a few extra hours at the library and ended up there until closing. So it was far too late by the time he was trudging his way back across campus, dreaming of the sinful affair he was going to have with his bed as soon as he got back.

            That’s when he heard it. Just as he was passing by the Dale residences – an awful place if you asked anyone not in Dale - a soft cry that sounded startlingly like a cat coming from the shadows. Bard stopped in his tracks, and his eyes scanned the darkness until he caught the slight outline of a person. He squinted, willing his eyes to adjust when the cat meowed again.

            Bard took a step forward into the gates. “Are you okay? Do you need some help?”

            A startled gasped flew from the person. They jumped and whirled around in a flash of blonde.

            “Oh God, you scared me!” The man gasped, then glared. “Don’t you know it’s rude to creep up on people.”

            Bard’s brow shot up. “It’s not like I did it on purpose. Is this how you respond to everyone who offers you help?”

            The man huffed, blowing at one of the pale strands of hair that had fallen over his face.      “I don’t usually make a habit of talking to _roughians_ in the street who like to stalk me.”

            “I didn’t stalk you!” Bard exclaimed, his anger rising. Who did this guy think he was? Bard sucked in a deep breath in an attempt to pull his rage under control, too tired to get into it with this prick. “You know what, I don’t need this tonight - Goodbye.”

            Before Bard had barely gotten a change to turn away, there was another meow before something fluffy was pouncing from the man’s arms. Thankfully, Bard had quick reflexes and easily caught the cat that was trying to escape.

            The cat looked up at him with the most doe eyes expression Bard had ever seen on a cat. He wasn’t even aware cats could look that innocent. Though, knowing its owner even only for less than a minute, Bard could safely assume this cat was just as much of a shit disturber as the man. But, also just like the man, Bard couldn’t deny it was gorgeous, and he could swear it’s pale blue eyes sparkled even with the low lamp light…

            “Now you’re ogling my cat? Great. What’s your problem?”

            Bard’s head snapped up at the words to see the man glaring at him again, tapping his foot. When Bard processed what the man said to him he was absolutely flabbergasted. Then, more anger came.

            “What’s _my_ problem? _My_ problem?” Bard sputtered out.

            “Yeah, do you have some sick voyeurism complex or something?” The man snapped.

            “Absolutely unbelievable. I cannot believe. You know what, I probably should have just let your cat run away – I can see why it was desperate to,” Bard retorted, thrusting the feline back into the man’s arms. And did Bard just crack or did he actually see the man’s eyes roaming his form like he was checking him out. Who checks someone out whilst insulting them?

            And if Bard wasn’t so angry with the man, he probably would have noticed and pondered sooner actually how utterly _gorgeous_ this guy was, like seriously was he sent down from some sort of heaven? But that didn’t matter now, because Bard was _furious_. Okay maybe not furious, just angry. Possibly mad? At least irritated. Stupid beautiful prick, gorgeous or not this guy was a nightmare.

            The man’s mouth dropped open in shock at Bard’s words. “How dare you – he loves me, Starlight would ne-“

            “Starlight? Your cat’s name is Starlight. You’ve got to be joking.”

            The man opened his mouth to retort something no doubt but was cut off from a voice above. “Thranduil is that you I can hear yammering out there.”

            “Shit,” the man – Thranduil? Jesus what was with this guy and names? The man cursed and was suddenly grabbing Bard by the front of his coat and pulling him forward into the shadows of the building. “Get down and hush.”

            “Wha-“

            “SHHH - what part of _hush_ don’t you understand, God how did you even get into this school.”

            Bard huffed, his irritation spiking again. How did this guy have any friends? He probably didn’t… or they were just as worse as him. Oh god, Bard couldn’t imagine there being more than one of him.

            “Thranduil, I know that was fucking you okay, I can see you hiding,” came the gruff voice from above again. He also sounded irritated; why was Bard not surprised.

            Wait, Bard knew that voice, was that… Thorin? Bard went to stand but Thranduil pulled him back down again, causing him to let out a grunt of surprise.

            “Bard, is that you?”

            Bard opened his mouth to respond but a firm hand clamped down over his mouth, muting him. Starlight meowed and Thranduil let out another shush, one that was definitely not slick at all and could be heard Thorin. And why was Bard cooperating anyway?

            “Fine Thranduil, be like that you insufferable shit and freeze to death outside - I’m going out,” a window slammed shut and it was quiet for a few moments.

            Thranduil still hadn’t removed his hand from Bard’s mouth and Bard got a sinister idea, inwardly chuckling at his own brilliance. The yelp Thranduil let out when Bard’s tongue touched his palm was well worth it and he couldn’t hold back his laughter.

            “What the hell?” Thranduil exclaimed, desperately rubbing his hand on Bard’s shirt. Bard didn’t even care, trying to calm his laughter.

            Eventually he was able to get out “your name is Thranduil?”

            The man in question whipped his head around to look at Bard, one brow raised. “Yeah, why?”

            Bard snorted. “What kind of name is Thranduil? Though, I guess it fits; pretentious name to fit the pretensions man.”

            Thranduil scoffed and easily retorted, “What kind of name is Bard?”

            Bard glared back at the victorious grin on Thranduil’s face and muttered under his breath.

          “Exactly. Now shut up and give me a boost.”

            When Bard didn’t move, Thranduil growled – he actually growled. “Well, what are you doing just standing there for, we don’t have all night.”

            “What makes you think I’m going to help you with whatever convoluted plan you’ve got up your sleeve?” Bard sputtered, staring at Thranduil like he had two heads.

            Thranduil’s eyes brows furrowed – Jesus they were massive. “You are the one who offered their assistance - I’m merely accepting it gracefully,” Bard broke out in laughter again at the word gracefully and Thranduil glared, clutching Starlight closer to his chest and scratching him behind the ear.

            “And it’s not convoluted wanting to have your most loyal companion with you,” he sneered before cooing at the feline in his arms.

            Bard sobered at that, wiping away a tear. “Most loyal compan- are you talking about your cat? You’re trying… to smuggle your cat into your dorm room? You’ve _got_ to be kidding me.”

            “It’s not smuggling,” Thranduil responded and Bard snorted.

            “Pet’s are illegal in dorm rooms, so yeah, it’s smuggling.”

            “Well whatever what are you anyway the law police… thing.”

            “… you mean the police?”

            “Shut up,” Bard cackled at the annoyed note in Thranduil’s voice. It sure was fun to get him riled up. “Now are you going to help me or not?”

            Bard sighed. He wasn’t actually going to help the guy was he? This guy was ridiculously infuriating – ridiculously gorgeous too - and seemed to be emotionally stunted with the exception of his cat. But Bard being Bard knew he would feel bad for ages to come if he left based on a horrible judgment of someone he had just met and though rudely, _had_ asked for his assistance.

            “Ugh, fine. But I’m doing it for the cat… I don’t want it to freeze to death outside,” Bard explained.

A smirk bloomed across Thranduil’s face. His eyes roamed Bard’s body outwardly; making him feel exposed and he couldn’t prevent the blush from spreading across his cheeks. Then Thranduil– did he just flick his hair? Wasn’t that a flirting tactic? “Sure, the cat.” And didn’t that make Bard’s blood boil. Stupid, egotistical, perceptive, shit.

Thranduil brushed past Bard, purposefully pressing their bodies together in a way that made Bard shiver before moving to stand underneath a darkened window. Bard just stared at him and the smirk appeared back on Thranduil’s face. Seriously, did that guy know any more expressions? Bard would definitely like to explore the expressions that face could make. And the sounds it could produce…

            “Mhm, see something you like?”

            Bard snapped out of himself and stomped over to where Thranduil stood. With a surge of his returning confidence he grinned. “Wouldn’t you like to know.”

            Clearly Thranduil was not expecting that, probably used to flustering anyone and everyone to the point of incapacitated speech. Shock flashed across his features, and his eyes darted away in a nervous manner. His teeth gnawed at his lower lip for a second and Bard had to stop himself from staring again. Focus Bard.

            “Just give me a boost would you?” Thranduil mumbled and Bard grinned. Victory. Evidently the man _was_ tamable. And wouldn’t Bard love to tame him…

            “Are you sure this is the best idea by the way - did you even think through how you’re going to scale the wall with a cat?” Bard pointed out, looking up at the second story window that was clearly the target point.

            “Yeah, of course. It’ll be fine - I’m agile,” Thranduil responded, but there was a note of hesitance in his voice that Bard did not miss. Wonderful. He really hoped he didn’t have to deal with this guy and a broken bone. “And it’s not… that high… ish.”

            “Alright, let’s get this over with then,” Bard said, cupping his hands and squatting slightly. Thranduil took the hint and soon Bard was boosting his now partner in crime toward the window ledge. And how did this guy manage to weigh almost nothing – he was the size of a tree.

            It was then, in the middle of Thranduil trying to swing himself up against the stone wall that Bard saw his education and scholarship flash before his eyes.

            “Thranduil – are you, are you _climbing the wall_. With your cat?” someone exclaimed, causing Thranduil to jump and almost fall. “And who is this poor soul you’ve roped into your shenanigans this time?” Crap, it must be the Don.

            Thranduil sighed as if getting caught wasn’t a big deal at all, though in fact it was an incredibly huge deal in Bard’s eyes.

            “Get your ass to my office, right now. And bring your friend along with you.”

The prick who was going to get him expelled climbed gracefully down from the wall, Starlight leaping from his hands to the grass with just as much grace as his owner. Thranduil reached Bard’s side and sighed, “ah, so close. Shall we?” He started toward the office, but stopped when he noticed Bard was not following.

He turned and gestured for Bard to follow, and grumbling, the engineer did. “Honestly do not need this shit in my life.” Stupid gorgeous prick probably getting him expelled, and wait why was said gorgeous prick grinning at him?

“So I’m gorgeous, huh?” The colour drained from Bard’s face. Oh God. Oh no. He always did have a tendency to speak his thoughts aloud – damn him.

“Yeah like you don’t already know it so shut up,” Bard’s voice was gruffer than usual, trying to ignore the heat on his cheeks. They walked in tense silence for a bit before Thranduil spoke again.

“I thought I’d caught you admiring the view.” Suddenly Thranduil was pressing Bard back against the hallway wall and his breath was warm against his ear. Thranduil skimmed his nose along Bard’s scruffy jaw, causing Bard’s breath to hitch. “And honestly, I don’t mind when the person looking is sinfully delicious.”

* * * * * * * *

            “I’ve told you on so many occasions Thranduil. Please, stop making me write you up; you’re going to get kicked out before the end of term at this rate,” Elrond, the Don of this res, sighed. Bard felt bad for the man, it sounded like this wasn’t the first time Thranduil had caused him a headache.

            “Please, like they’d ever kick _me_ out,” Thranduil rolled his eyes and honestly he didn’t even sound the least bit concerned.

            “Just, stop giving me pre-mature grey hairs Thranduil…” it was a dismissal and just as the two turned to leave Elrond added, “and keep your cat out of sight. I didn’t see anything tonight.”

            Thranduil grinned in victory and bowed gracefully before swanning out of the room, Bard in tow.

            They walked in silence, not really sure what to say to one another, or even if they should say something to one another. It wasn’t until they reached Thranduil’s closed room and holy shit Bard had heard the Dale res was nice but this was ridiculous – it was almost a hotel – that Thranduil swirled around in all his gracefulness with a sultry look in his eyes.

            And fuck why did that make Bard nervous. Come on, he’s just one guy… a ridiculously sexy guy…. God what was wrong with him. The adrenaline from earlier was all but gone, leaving him exhausted and nervous.

            “So you know, you could come in and like stick around. I mean, after everything I just put you through I owe you a beer or something,” Thranduil’s voice was like liquid honey and how the fuck did he manage to make any sentence he felt like sound like sex?

            “Uh, it’s a school night, I don’t drink on weekdays – sorry,” was Bard’s automatic response and wow did Thranduil really just pout. Jesus the things Bard would do with that soft, lower lip.

            “Aw come on, I can’t just let you go without repaying the favour…”

            Bard swallowed hard at the obvious and blatant innuendo in the sentence and had to force himself to look away for a moment to settle his nerves. “I uhh, it’s getting late and honestly I should get going back to my dorm, I have a long day tomorrow.”

            Bard started to back down the hall, hands up in apology. Before Thranduil could respond Bard quickly added, “I’ll see you around though? We’ll figure something out.” Before he could get anymore tempted by this siren, he turned on his heel and headed – okay maybe jogged, definitely _not_ sprinted, he had _some_ dignity – down the stairs and through the main doors of the res.

            As Bard continued his way toward the Laketown residence, he thought over his bizzare night and the man who he could tell would be invading his thoughts for many nights to come. Bard smiled to himself, and at this point, Bard couldn’t find it in himself to care about the trouble Thranduil had gotten him into… and maybe passing through Dale wouldn’t be such a hassle after all…

**Author's Note:**

> okokok so im starting a new AU series where they are dorks in love in university and im so dead inside because this is the best thing my brain has ever thought up and i have so many ideas and they're so perfect just wait holy shit these two are so disgustingly in love kill me
> 
> and bless [simba](http://smoakenshield.co.vu/) for helping me with this and slightly betaing it and reading it over bless
> 
> cry with me on [the tumbles](http://mordorisleft.co.vu/)


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